How bedtime procrastination is ruining your sleep (and what to do)

Most of the sleep advice online talks about "sleep hygiene" and setting up the perfect bedtime routine.

But what they don't tell you is what to do when you can't seem to get into the routine or when you keep failing at sticking to your new habits.

Many of us struggle going to bed at a reasonable time even though we feel tired and we know we need to go.

If this is sounds like you, please read on.

Bedtime procrastination is the biggest culprit in keeping you from sleeping well and by stopping this bad habit, you are kickstarting the process of improving your sleep for good.

What is bedtime procrastination?

It might look like this:

• you take your phone to bed and doom scroll until you're so exhausted the phone falls on your face

• you stay up binge watching a new TV show

• you can't put down your book and feel compelled to read "one more chapter"

• you suddenly start working on a new project and can't stop

Bedtime procrastination is the act of intentionally delaying going to bed.

Why do we do it?

I’ve seen many reasons and explanations such as:

• not feeling ready to go because there are so many things left to do

• not having any "me" time during the day and claiming back time at night

• feeling the urge to finish a book that you can’t put down

• stuck in mindless doomscrolling

• feeling “bored” by the idea of going to bed

It all comes down to this: We don’t want to be alone with our thoughts.

When we finally lie down after a long day and we're suddenly in a dark quiet room without any stimulation, we can no longer distract our minds.

Instead of feeling relaxed, we start a cycle of endless overthinking and worrying.

The longer we lie awake, the more worried and anxious we get making it impossible to get to sleep.

So instead, we stay up even longer and start watching something on our phones, only getting to sleep at 2am in the morning when we’re too exhausted to even keep our eyes open.

The next day, we tell ourselves that we’ll be better tonight but the cycle continues.

Addressing bedtime procrastination will not only help you establish a consistent bedtime routine but also regulate your internal body clock as well as your nervous system and reduce stress and anxiety.

So how do you stop bedtime procrastination for good?

Here are a few tips that have helped me and my clients:

1. Find your why:

Before you can make any improvements to your current situation, you need to get to the bottom of why you have fallen into the bad habit in the first place.

• Do you feel stressed during the day and need time to decompress before going to bed?

• What is bothering you and what are you trying to distract yourself from?

• What are you afraid of? What is keeping you from going to bed?

Be honest with yourself - once you find your personal reason, it's a lot easier to address it. If you experience a lot of overthinking and irrational or negative thoughts, check out this blog post for tips on how to address them: What really keeps you up at night

If you feel like you don't get any time to yourself during the day, make sure you carve out some "me" time during the day and prioritize it.

We all deserve breaks and rest so we can be our best selves.

Even just 10 minutes of extra time in the morning to enjoy your coffee in peace can make a huge difference!

Talk to your partner or family members and work out a schedule that allows you to have at least 10-15 minutes to yourself every single day.

During that time, they cannot talk to you, ask you questions, come with random requests and they need to leave you alone and in peace!

2. Do a brain dump:

   
   

Grab your favourite journal or a piece of paper and write down ANY thoughts that come to your mind.

You don't need to follow any structure or prompts, just start writing.

It can be thoughts about the day, your to-do list for the next day or some random project that just popped into your mind that you want to start.

If you don’t like writing things down, try and record your thoughts on your phone instead.

This will allow you to clear your mind before you get into bed and stop the ruminating and overthinking.

3. Set a 30-60mins timer for your ideal bedtime

I know it sounds basic but getting that pop-up notification while you’re in the middle of a doomscroll might pull you out of your negative cycle.

It will give you time to slowly get your brain into "nighttime" mode rather than waiting until the last minute and jumping from your phone screen straight into bed.

Set up multiple reminders if needed!

4. Stick to a simple routine:

1. Get into your pyjamas

2. Brush your teeth

3. Do your usual skincare routine

   
   

Get into bed!

Don’t waste time with too many extra steps or you’ll get either distracted or annoyed.

Feel free to add a relaxing, enjoyable activity that doesn't suck you in and has a clear end like having a hot bath or shower, reading a short story (instead of a whole book) or listening to a short guided meditation.

Stick to 1 simple activity.

5. If you’re still struggling with racing thoughts:

Don’t try and force yourself to stop thinking.

It’s only going to do the opposite!

Instead, accept your thoughts for what they are in the moment and move on.

It's completely normal to get random thoughts popping into your head just before you go to sleep, you need to embrace them and stop worrying about them.

Many people think that meditating means not getting distracted or not thinking any thoughts when in fact it's the skill of being able to notice your thoughts and guiding them in the right direction.

This can be tricky and will take time but if your body is ready to go to sleep, you’ll need to let go of control and let it take over.

6. If you’re still lying awake after more than 30mins:

Get up, don’t stay in bed!

You don't want to stay in bed and force yourself to sleep and it's completely fine to get up. It will not have any negative effect on your ability to sleep.

Our brains are pattern recognition machines and we want to to train it to think:

bed = sleep

So if you are lying awake for too long, this association will weaken and make you less likely to fall asleep.

When you get up, keep the lights dimmed and do something relaxing and enjoyable but NOT stimulating.

Do not pick up your phone to check emails or notifications! They will still be there tomorrow…

Instead, you could put on some relaxing music or your favourite audiobook, some people even knit or crochet for a bit.

Pick something that works for you and that you know you won't get sucked into for hours.

Once you start feeling sleepy and relaxed, go back to bed and try again.

So in a nutshell, you need to:

• Find your procrastination trigger(s)

• Address the underlying problem

• Set a bedtime reminder

• Do a brain dump

• Accept and embrace your thoughts and move on

• If you still can't sleep, get up.

Remember, sleep is not something that can be forced or controlled but if you provide the right environment, it will come.

Let me know how you get on with these techniques or if there are any other tips you have that other busy overthinking brains can benefit from.

Sleep well,

Anne - The Sleep Nerd 😴🛌🌟